I have been copying posts between my blogs lately and just decided to not do that today. I did it honestly because I didn't have the energy to think up a new post, not to mention my brain has been pretty well fried the past week.....month....months...etc. It goes back to my dad first getting stomach pains. I wish I could have helped him more. I couldn't.

Today is my birthday. Yet it just made me honestly hurt more. I think of how my dad felt the day I was born. I think of how he looked. I wonder how excited he was. He was 23. I was his second child. My big sister Donna is about 2 years older than me. I am leaning on her now, but she can lean on me too. I want to be her support just as much as she is mine.

It's hard. I was not ready to lose him. I had been trying to comfort him and not let him be afraid.

It's even harder that I'm almost a 2 year survivor. I have been so proud of that and so was he....but now it just seems I don't know......less important. I wanted my dad to join me with that title and I kept telling him if it was cancer he would. Oh well. Again, random thoughts, jumbled up in my head throughout the day. I'll work through it all. Somehow.

My dad passed away tonight. He lost his battle with pancreatic cancer at 10:23 p.m. on December 27, 2009. The obituary will say 11:30 because that is how Hospice logged it....but I held his hand as he took his last breath.

I got to his house at about 11:30 this morning. He moan and sort of yelled out at around 5 or 6 p.m. and did not breathe for a few seconds. This happened again a few minutes later. I knew it was going to be soon. Still, the whole thing has been surreal. It happened so fast. Even 2 weeks ago I still had hope he would make it, somehow. We had the surgery all lined up then they dealt us the horrible blow that he had pancreatic cancer. We brought him home, where he wanted to be.

I knelt by his bed, cried and held his hand as he left this world. The world has lost a great man, but heaven has gained a great soul. I love you dad. I miss you.

It has been confirmed. It is pancreatic cancer and it has metastasized all over his body. In other words, it's too late. Right now we are working on bringing home. That's where he wants to be. We will need Hospice to come in and nurses to help but somehow we'll make this work. I want my dad in his own home.

It's been a discouraging year and an even worse Christmas season for me. How can one feel any Christmas spirit when the whole month is about whether or not my dad will live or die? It's hard. I can't focus on Christmas. I have had so much to worry about.

Today I will meet my sister at the hospital to discuss the next move.

My dad is just 57 years old. Don't forget to hug your daddy this Christmas.

I am exhausted. It's been a long day. They cancelled my dad's surgery. They had done a biopsy prior to the surgery and saw that there was absolutely a malignancy and it had spread. At this point we don't know what kind. We don't know by the sample where it started, just that it is cancer. Of course the belief is that it is pancreatic. I have been at the hospital all day. He is weak and can hardly speak. He sleeps most of the time. This has been a very hard and difficult time for my whole family. My mother is barely keeping it together. I will write more later. It's time to rest for now.

Oh and because it spread the surgery was basically pointless. It couldn't save him anymore. So it's been a discouraging day, to say the least.

First of all this picture just made me laugh. I know I would hate it if it were me. Nicole went out on the red carpet with white powder literally all over her face. I am wondering where in the world was her makeup artist this night? I mean come on, it's not like she drove herself there, parked her car and walked up alone right? Someone had to have seen this. She always claimed she has had no work done. She's all natural. Unfortunately for her I have been watching her movies for oh.....15 years? I can see the change. Forehead lines don't disappear with age....but for her? Apparently they do.

I am just posting this to show off my new shoes. I looooove them! So freaking hot don't you think?



I can't wait to wear them out. That's 4 1/2 inches of heel there baby. I love being a whole 5'6 1/2".

This Saturday is the Benefit for my dad. We still do not have all the supplies needed. We are not sure how big or small the turnout will be. What I do know is we do not yet have everything needed. We desperately need a few items and time is running short. If you would like to donate even a couple of dollars toward the cost of the benefit ONLY please click the paypal button below:

This will help reduce the cost of the benefit itself for my sisters and myself. Right now especially with Christmas money is very tight. My dad needs this benefit though. He will most likely need constant medical care for the rest of his life at this point. I think we are all coming to terms with this. He has copays and deductibles and a lot of other regular bills that my mom is now having to deal with paying. He cannot help anymore. So we want to just let them worry about ONE thing and that is getting dad better. I'll make sure to get a lot of pictures from the benefit and post them. I am pretty excited. If you want to donate TO my dad directly please send your donation to The John Hamilton Benefit Fund at the State Bank of Speer in Speer, Illinois. E-mail me directly for a specific address.

Well it's almost over. This semester is drawing to a close. I am ready for it. I have studied, I have lost sleep, and I have stressed to the point of quitting. I didn't. I made it through, despite all the trials I have had to deal with in the past year. I am not done with those trials. Not by any means but I somehow manage to push it to the back of my brain, for just a while so I can get on with my life and do the things I have to do.

I have 2 finals on Wednesday and one on Thursday then it's Christmas break for a MONTH for me. I am pretty anxious. I may have more blogging time for awhile. *gasp*

It really has been this year. I am surprised some days I am still standing. It's not even all the stuff I air out on my blogs. It's the things I don't air out. There are things I keep to myself that equal or even outweigh all the other stuff going on. Between my dad and those other things I haven't felt a whole lot of Christmas Spirit. I'm working on it.

So far this Saturday I have been lazy. That's right. Lazy. I am not in the mood to do the list of things I have to do. Granted I have a little time to get them done but not that much. I need to be studying but let me tell you, we all need a break sometime.

I am going to crack open some books tonight. I'll at least get to work on the practice test for my math final. That one is super important. I do have a whole lot of things to do but this is it. My finals are this week then nada! Hey I don't even think I have a class on Monday. My final are on Wednesday and Thursday then that is that. OVER! I am almost done.

I will enjoy it while I can. Nursing School is on the 18th of January. After that I doubt I'll even remember what free time is!

I love this song. Actually one of the things I always loved about it was the part where it says "Yo Sandi, I wanna like taste you." I know all the words to this one. I was freaking out the hubby singing it word for word in my living room. haha It's not my usual genre as far as singing goes. Though I can also sing all the words to Ice Ice Baby pretty well! Ha! Who can't?

Explore Modeling - Face of e.l.f. Casting: Sandra Bender


Please click the link to vote for me. Time is winding down on this contest and my rank really hasn't improved a whole lot. I keep forgetting myself. haha Hope everyone is enjoying their Friday. I had class and now I am trying to relax for a few. I have a lot of studying to do this weekend. I'm kinda ready for it. I am so glad finals are almost here because then I am DONE! I can't wait to be finished for awhile.

I need to get busy on my Christmas shopping. I really haven't had a chance, nor has my mind been on it with dad being so sick. I didn't get the greatest news today about him. I am so worried about him. I can't stand this. The whole thing is too stressful. It seems so simple to just want your dad back. Life has proven to me time and again, it's just not that easy.

How much have you done? Me? I haven't bought a single thing. That's right. NOTHING. I don't even have a tree up. Honestly I would have done the tree by now but I just keep forgetting. I am feeling a little "Christmasy" this year, but still I tend to put these things off. I am one of those people running around the store at the last minute. I always get it done though.

I just haven't had time lately. The semester is winding down to a finish and with finals coming up I have my nose in the books. Top that off with all that's been going on with my dad and who has time? I'll get it done. I always do.

How much shopping have you all done? I love hearing how everyone is all done, presents wrapped and sitting under the tree by Thanksgiving. Oh that is so not me.

Oh and I snapped the pic with my webcam today. I tend to sit on my couch in a ball with the laptop on my lap of course :)

First of all I know how to hover over a link to know it's not to the website you gave me. I am not retarded. Your spam is not fooling most people I am guessing but when you spell like this you'll get even fewer suckers. Not to mention you inserted a fancy little logo only to rush through the rest of your junk mail. Take a look:

You recived Hallmark E-Card .
	Click the link to see your E-Card.
	If there is someone who has speecial place in yor hart please folow links below:
		Visit Enter your e-mail address in the Original Recipient’s E-Mail Address box. Enter EG4258881155739 in the Confirmation Number box. Click Display Greeting.

I obviously removed the links because it's spam, and I don't want you to get spammed by clicking the junk links. Regardless this is what I find in my junk mail box. Hilarious.

I have a TON of homework to do. Over Thanksgiving and with dad getting more sick I have just put it to the side. At this very moment as I type this I am procrastinating. I don't feel like it but it has to be done. I tell myself I am near the end of this semester. I just need to keep my eye on the prize right? I am ready to start nursing school. I got the bill for that this past week. It's near $8000 per semester. That doesn't even include books, scrubs or the lab coats I need. Not to mention daycare will cost an arm and a leg.

So I got my loan award amount disclosed to me yesterday and it's a good $2000 short of what I need to just pay tuition. So hopefully we'll be able to figure something out. My stress level is through the roof lately.

Now, I guess I better start getting that home work done.

My dad has been taken back to the hospital. He hasn't been doing well and we knew it. His weight has been dropping rapidly. He's a shell of the man he used to be. We were hoping for answers. We still haven't gotten them. We keep being told they are almost sure it's pancreatic cancer. My issue with this is that if it WAS pancreatic cancer he could not possibly be so sick without them being able to see it. That type of cancer usually is not even noticed until it's later stages. The symptoms don't show up until it's fairly progressed. So, with how sick my dad has been, how could it be possible that they could not find it?

I have been working out the details to have a benefit for my dad to send him to Mayo. I have the place and date lined up finally but with the Holiday was going to wait until Monday to make copies of the flyers I made and then hopefully get some donation tubs etc. We are doing a spaghetti supper and were going to sell advance tickets and tickets at the door. We have ideas for a bake sale too. My sisters and I have worked nonstop racking our brains while also caring for our families. My sister is trying to work and balance all of this and her children. I am trying to balance it while caring for 4 children, my home and school work. My classes are really getting crazy now that it's only a few weeks from the end of this semester. I have tests and TONS of papers to write. My stress level is at the top right now.

Dad wanted us to all come to his house for Thanksgiving. He was as excited as I have seen him in a long time about it. We had planned what we were bringing and we were all so ready to go. Then this morning I got the call. Dad is confused again. It's like it was before. They think the blood infection could be back. Now I sit here, waiting for news from the E.R. I know my mom is there upset. The trouble being I am here with my four girls and my hubby is at work. My hubby can't just leave because HIS boss is out this week which leaves my hubby in charge of everything. So I wait. I can't really do anything at this point anyway. He isn't in a room yet and we aren't sure if he'll even be staying there. My sister has been feverishly working to get him transferred to a different hospital because frankly this one is not able to help him anymore. They can't give us the answers we need so it's time for something different. We have to also figure out where my mom will stay, how she will afford it, etc. She needs meals too. My dad is retired and they don't have a lot of money.

Then to top it all off the family is back at us again telling us we aren't doing enough. We should be there with mom. I love my family but I just don't think they understand what we are doing. They hear my mom crying and I get that. She is stressed. We are too. I want to just throw everything out the window and go be with my dad. But at the end of the day I still have to pass my classes and my kids still need their mommy here to care for them. I will go be with my dad every second I can, but at this very second I sit here agonizing over what is going on just like everyone else.

I wanted to be with my family this year. I knew it could be our last because who knows how healthy dad would even be next year? If it IS pancreatic cancer, or if it's not, we don't know how he'll be doing so this year meant everything and now it's gone. I have no food. We thought we were going to mom and dad's so I have bought no turkey or anything. I will have to try to see my dad, be with my mom tonight and somehow manage to whip up some sort of Thanksgiving dinner for my own family. I want my children to still enjoy their holiday.

Right now? I am just not feeling it.

I wouldn't call myself a great Christian. I grew up in the church yes. I had a Christian family and sure I believe in God. My faith though is personal and because I respect every single person's right to believe what they want I'm not going to sit here and preach one thing to you. Nor do I really think I need to. I have lived long enough that I realize people will pretty much believe what they want. I also realize we do tend to believe what we are taught. I am not arguing faith or Christianity or whatever your belief might be. However I am arguing that I have a right to say Merry Christmas to whomever I want.

As a child it was just Christmas. I never thought of it as having the word Christ in it. I loved the whole season and the joy it brought. It was about happiness and togetherness. I remember it. I can still smell it. I loved it. I still do.

I just read something that said Best Buy does not allow it's employees to wish people a Merry Christmas. They have to say Happy Holidays or something. This is wrong. Why? What happened to our freedom of religion? You can say whatever you want to me. I will respect your holiday and might even like to learn more about it. I am not Jewish but I am absolutely interested in those traditions and beliefs. I am not offended at Hanukkah songs, or ads. I am not offended by Kwanzaa or other beliefs. Why are people so offended when I say Merry Christmas? Why do they want to be rid of it? I am saddened. It's special to me and I feel like slowly the right to your religious beliefs are being stripped away. It's not even so much about the religion aspect to me. It's about tradition and what you just DO. Why should someone be able to say you can't do that? I wouldn't work somewhere that tried to do that to me and I don't believe constitutionally they have a leg to stand on but maybe I am wrong.

I have definitely had my ups and downs in the past few years faith wise. You have to understand I grew up in a very religious family that struck the fear of the pits of hell into you from day one. I know it forward and backward. However I am all grown up now and I deal with my faith privately and I don't take everything that is preached from the pulpit as law anymore. I find out for myself what I believe rather than what I am force fed. I do believe there are things that you just do not mess with and that is someones right to celebrate a religious holiday. This is for everyone! This is not just for Christians but for all faiths. We have a right to celebrate how we want. I truly believe this and I am so sick of everyone being offended at every single thing.

OK I have calculated the entries and used Random.org to figure out the winner randomly. Here we go. The winner is:
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Roxxymetal!!! Congrats to you Roxxy. I will be contacting you personally shortly! I may do another one of these soon. I had a great time. I wanted to give as many people a chance to enter as I could so I let it go a little longer. If you liked this giveaway be sure to watch for more. I don't get more than 30 or so entries so your odds of winning at some point are pretty good!!

She turned two today! Say Happy Birthday to my little girl :) Oh and I am sorry I haven't announced the giveaway winner yet. I have homework and tests like crazy but I am doing it! I will get it done I promise and have that thing shipping to my winner this week. Thank you all for your patience.

I've complained about them before and I'm doing it again. First let's talk about this plastic bag situation though. I remember reading a blog a few times all about a plastic bag. Yes it was called Windy or something. It featured random pictures of a plastic bag in various situations. No I am not kidding. I bet a lot of you have seen this blog. I wonder if it's still out there? I bet it is. I haven't seen it in awhile though. My point though is that I thought of that blog today on my way to school. I got to the big bridge I have to go over to get to school and saw a white plastic bag twirling through the air straight at me. I figured it would just fly past but hoped it wouldn't stick to the windshield or something horrible like that. It did neither. It caught hold of my side mirror and clung on for dear life. It was wrapped in such a way that I could never just pull it off, not too mention I wouldn't want to risk it sticking to the windshield of a car behind me so I listened to this thing flapping and it just annoyed the crap out of me for the next 2 or 3 miles to school.

So while I am irritated and distracted by the bag I suddenly notice a white car coming up behind me fast. I was driving a good 65 in a 55. I was keeping up with traffic and had no desire to go faster. This *expletive* of a woman literally was closer to my bumper than anyone ever in history has been to my bumper. I could see her hairdo and face clearly in my rear view mirror. I could NOT see the front of her car in my rear view mirror. She was THIS close. If I slowed down 1/10 of a mph she would have hit me. I had no idea for the life of me why she would follow so close. What would she accomplish by riding my ass like that? Well let me tell you. NOTHING. After a few moments I heard the high pitched whir of a crotch rocket coming up behind me. Next thing I knew there were two of these bikes passing me and the white car lady and dusting me at that. I am guessing they were going at least 90. It was a pretty crazy move considering wacky lady could have cut out to the right and hit them at any moment. She did get out after they passed me and she passed me on the right and disappeared into the horizon. Seriously.....what in the world? I was annoyed and the bag was still flapping annoyingly in the wind. I wanted that bag OFF my mirror!

I pulled up to school, got the bag off and walked into my class thinking of all the crazy lunatic drivers who try to make sure I don't get to class safely. That's my rant for the day. :)

I have been really busy with my homework lately. It's pretty insane actually. I just had a Meet and Greet at the College of Nursing I'll be attending in January. I have to finish all these prereqs though. I have to work my butt off to stay at the top. It's so not easy and honestly I am so tired of doing prereqs. I just want to get to the nursing stuff already.

Anyway I'd like to give you all ONE more chance to enter my giveaway for a Digital Photo Album. These things are great and make great gifts. Just leave a comment here:

http://nothingofflimitshere.blogspot.com/2009/10/time-for-giveaway-something-free.html

Tweet it, etc. Whatever. Read the post for options on additional entries. I'll be selecting a winner this week!

The Halloween pics! I love Halloween. I love posting pictures too. So it's a win win for me. I have been studying like mad. I am nearing the end of this semester and two of my classes are like double classes. Everything is done several chapters at once. There is triple the homework. Add this onto my daily life of caring for four (yes four) kids and a hubby, not to mention all my other classes and trying to get the planning and financial stuff done to start Nursing College in January I am slightly stressed. Halloween was a nice break. I met some nice new people. I had a great party and it was fun getting to know everyone I didn't know and visiting with good friends.

Do not forget to enter the giveaway for the digital photo album. The link is right there at the top of this page in the little box links at the top. See it? Enter my giveaway, right up there? Just leave me a comment to enter! It's so easy. Come on folks.


Here's a couple of extra pics for your enjoyment.

I have a seriously awesome giveaway going on folks. We need some entries here. I am pretty sure I linked it at the top of this page. Look for it. Got it? Ok. Remember that and go enter when you are done reading this post.

I have been of course busy as usual with classes and all that jazz. I have a lot of work to do and things are in full swing right now. I just started my English Composition class on top of all the other ones I was already doing. However yesterday I was feeling pretty good. I decided to swing through McDonalds on my way and grab a "hot, nonfat, mocha". Yes I love those things. As long as they are made right. I must stress more than once I have ran through and drank bitter crap. I am never happy when that happens. Anyway they actually made me pull forward to wait for my medium mocha. Seriously.

However it took only about 4 minutes tops and the guy comes out looking sort of down and goes to hand me my drink, he looks up, looks noticeably surprised, stumbles over some words then tells me I'm really beautiful. Ha! I blushed, said thank you and enjoyed the rest of my day. :)

It's kind of a lazy day too. I did some homework and read a little but I am not into it at all. I need to focus.

My daughter Gabbi is really talking a lot these days. I have taught her to hold up two fingers and say two. I love it when asked how old they are little kids do that. So I thought better teach her now before she is 2. She absorbs everything like a sponge. I taught her in a few seconds. She says 2 and holds up two fingers on each hand. So I went a step further and taught her it was also 1+1. So now if you ask Gabbi what is 1+1 she holds up two fingers and yells "TWO!"

What a genius baby.

Also please vote for me. This is totally based off popular vote so it's completely possible. The problem is the chick in the first place slot has like over 3000 votes. I have about 249. I have a ways to go. Still, that is a lot of votes and I have you all to thank. Thank you so much!!!

Explore Modeling - Face of e.l.f. Casting: Sandra Bender

Be sure to read my update on my dad below. Things have been so somber on my blog lately that I thought it was time to do a giveaway. I don't make mine hard. You don't have to fill out twenty forms, write 30 posts, link this and that and perhaps MAYBE get an entry. No I just want some comments. You leave me a comment, you get an entry. If you want extra entries go ahead and tweet this, then link me to your tweet. Add me to your blog roll for another entry. Or if you want, grab my ad here and link it to my blog.


Take your pick. Do one, do all. Just tell me which you did in a comment and show me where I can find them because you know, I can't give credit it if you're not telling me the truth! haha

Now let's get to the point. What am I giving away? It's a digital photo album. These things are awesome. I have one at home and the hubby has one on his desk at work. These things make great gifts too. Let me just list what it says on the box.

EnVue Burnes Digital Photo Album
*Photo Manager for rotating, cropping and managing your photos
*SD/MMC card compatibility
*Rechargeable battery with up to 6-hour life
*AC adapter and USB cable included
*Removable tabletop easel included
*Compatible with Windows 2000/XP/Vista
*3.5" digital LCD screen
*Resolution: 320x240
*Brightness: 180cd/m2 Full White Pattern
*Contrast ratio: 220:1
*Internal memory holds up to 60 photos


It comes with a designer case as well. I have a couple of pics with it. If you have questions feel free to ask. Winner will be notified at the end of this contest which will be whenever I feel I have enough entries. Most likely 2 weeks. Good luck!

Honestly things are at a standstill. The surgery went well. The medicines seem to be doing the job. He has some relief and is breathing better. He has a tube draining fluid out of his liver. I wish I could actually speak to his doctor to know the details. I get this information from my mom who honestly doesn't understand anything medical at all. I have not been able to go see my dad in about a week because we have all been so sick in this house. I will not risk my dad catching something, nor anyone else in the hospital as I am sure you can all appreciate. I miss my dad and just wish he could be his old self again but I don't see that happening any time soon.

He is back on a feeding tube. He is just not eating right on his own. His mouth gets so dry and they just swab it with those wet sponges. I feel for him. He talks very short of breath so I don't even like to call him because I worry it is too much. At the same I remember when people did that to me when I was sick. Even though I knew I couldn't talk long I still liked talking to people. I needed to feel cared about. I felt abandoned in many ways.

This is the most I have right now. We are so thankful the surgery went well. The screen was put in to prevent any further clots from going up into his lungs. Hopefully all these things work the way they should. I would like to get in to see my dad but until the illness totally clears out I am not risking my dads life. I am going to call though. Right now actually. I'll post new updates as soon as possible.

No I don't have the swine flu. I heard my uncle does though. I guess there are tons of kids out of school right now. I myself am sick but I think it's some painful stomach bug. I am not feeling at all well. I have stomach pains, nausea, weakness and lethargy. I flat out feel like crap. My daughter Angelina was sick last night too but felt better today. I missed classes though I really didn't want too. I still don't feel good but I think I may have to attempt class tomorrow anyway.

Anyway I realized recently something that seriously annoys me. I went to McDonalds for a Mocha after class. I tend to do that often. Lately they have this automated voice that asks if you want to try something. It sounds like a real voice happily asking you to try their new combo or whatever but when you say no and start telling your order there is a new voice. The actual cashier. So I go now, knowing this is an automated voice and don't know whether to say no thanks. I don't want the new combo. I sometimes just say "I would just like..." but I can't seem to bring myself to just completely not acknowledge it. Anyway, that's my latest pet peeve.

He began having breathing troubles. They knew he had the potential to develop a blood clot after all he went through and since he can't get up or move or anything they were watching for it. They found the clot in his leg yesterday. He is on oxygen right now and having pain and trouble breathing. Well they started him on some meds to break up that clot and thin out the blood but it managed to move to his lung anyway.

Right now my dad is being wheeled away for surgery. He has fluid in his lungs and that clot. It will be a 1 1/2 hours surgery. Gabbi is sick and I woke up not feeling great. I could use some good vibes folks. I want my dad to see me become a nurse someday. I get so worried that it might not happen.

Maybe I need a new sound card but the recording seems choppy to me. Regardless, this is me....singing this song that I kinda like. haha Paparrazi by Lady Gaga. Just having fun! :)

Come on. I have to do it! We had big Halloween party last year, so we are doing it again this year. I got my costume tonight and snapped a few pics. Excuse my messy hair! haha I bought it and then cleaned the house, then tried this on. I'll have my hair and makeup all done on Halloween. Anyone doing anything for Halloween? Do you have some crazy costume ideas? My hubby doesn't know what he wants to go as yet.

When I arrived at the Halloween store tonight there was a car blaring music outside with speakers on the roof of it. It was the radio station and they were inside doing the show. I went in and talked to them. I do not "think" I was on the radio but um....I don't know. He just said hi and started telling me to enter to win Jay-Z tickets so I did.

So what do you think of the costume?

We did have a good time. During a few jokes I thought of how dad would enjoy them and it made me sad. Dad is improving. It's truly a miracle. We aren't out of the woods but the breathing tube has come out and he has managed a few raspy words here and there. He has been waking up. The docs had him for dead a few days ago and though I am not letting go of my fears just yet I am strongly hoping that he'll come out of this. He is still in ICU right now but responding to commands and breathing on his own. Thanks so much for all your prayers. We still aren't sure about brain damage. I am told what speech he has managed is garbled. I am home with my kids who are not allowed in ICU so I can't get up there right now. It kills me! Regardless that is the update which I find to be my best EVER.

As for Jeff Dunham it was fun. Guitar Guy came out first and did a little bit. He was hilarious. The show started at 8 but Jeff did not arrive on stage until 9:00. You all who read my blog KNOW how much I love Jeff Dunham. I post his videos all the time. I love his act and find him hilarious so you'll know when I say this that I am saying the total truth. He sounded drunk. PLOWED. Wasted. When he came out initially before he started using the dummies he totally sounded annihilated. He had been backstage slamming a few back I think. He was talking so fast and very slurred but you know he came out of it quick. I am NOT saying anything against him. I have been there a few times myself though not onstage in an arena with thousands of people watching me. haha I was just a bit surprised. He got into the flow of his act and soon things were going good. He was as funny as usual and I had a really good time.

Before the show we went out to dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse where they cook up the food right there where you sit. I had a delicious Plum Wine. My dinner was Steak and Salmon. I had fried rice, vegetables and some mushroom broth type of soup. I liked it all. Enjoy the pics of my night and I'll link to some videos!

First the update on my dad. They got the very final results of the Lumbar and guess what? Now they are saying it's not meningitis even though they were so positive it was. They even treated all of us who had contact with him with an antibiotic. Now we have NO idea what's wrong with my dad other than he is intubated now, unconscious all of the time and not responsive for the most part. He opened his eyes for a couple of seconds yesterday when the nurse moved him. He looked at her....then went back out. I am holding on to any morsel of hope I can find. I hope he pulls out of this. We don't know what has gotten him so sick!

He started with stomach cramps months ago....had gallbladder surgery, stent surgery after he turned yellow with jaundice. More stomach aches, no real answers. His blood sugar went up. He had TONS of tests that did not reveal any cancer. Doc thought it was pancreatic but nothing has been able to show it. So what is this? Why is my dad in a hospital bed unconscious? This is frustrating because we do not know what's wrong. He just got sick. Docs couldn't make him better. The next thing we know he is practically (though not literally) in a coma.

I want my dad to get better so bad. I cry all the time. I try not to when I see him. The first times I couldn't help it. I'll be seeing him tonight for a while before the hubby and I make our trip to see Jeff Dunham. I had been so excited about that. I bought tickets for our anniversary. We bought them awhile ago....and I decided we should still go. Perhaps it can cheer me up a bit.

Thanks to all who have come over to my blog and shown some love. I appreciate it. It's warmed my heart to know others care seriously. This has been a sucky, shitty piece of crap year and though I know some would say don't feel that way I can honestly say if I sat you down and told you all the shit that has occurred in my life you'd whole heartily agree.

Last night the docs did a lumbar puncture thinking the infection had either gone to dad's brain or that he had meningitis. We are waiting on the results still. I got there today and he seemed less responsive to me. They were preparing to do an EEG. I had to leave to get Gabbi from Daycare. I have been home about an hour and got a call. The doctor believes my dad has brain damage, and doesn't think he'll make it. It's miracle time folks. We need one. Now.

He looks like he is dying. This is to put it bluntly. We know he has the blood infection and it moved into the heart. They are treating it but he cannot talk, and he is unresponsive. He groans and leans toward me but can't open his eyes all the way anymore. He squeezed my hand though. I know he knew I was there. What is wrong?? This happened from gallbladder surgery to this! I am so upset. I want my dad to get well but he keeps getting worse. We have insisted on a second opinion and said we want him sent to Mayo. They agreed. They are making the transportation arrangements now. Please....if you pray....pray for my dad today.

Yes I have for the past month and a half been reading the wrong Psychology book. You see when school started I went to the very busy bookstore, not knowing what I needed. There are many workers who will come to you and offer assistance. When they saw my list they helped me pick out the required text books. I never thought once to question it! It is a Psychology book on the right subject, just not the right text.

Well my Psychology class is a Telecourse. I pretty much do the whole thing on my own and watch DVD's I check out from the school library. Then after about 4 to 5 chapters I go into the college and take a test. This is NOT easier because you have to have discipline and dedication to do the required homework assignments and tests all on your very own. I spent the entire day studying and making up note cards. I realized the keywords on my study guide were just NOT in the book. Only about a 1/10th of them were. I did not understand this but figured the teacher was just being tricky. She didn't want it to be too easy you know? Well about the time I decided to work on my essay that involved answering specific questions from the chapters the teacher listed I realized the title of the chapters did not match up. I thought NO way could this possibly be the wrong book. Well I slowly turned to the page on my class information to see the name and edition of the book for the first time. Yes I have looked many times at MY book just not at the words on the syllabus that says the name of a book I do NOT have.

I should have payed attention to it. I know. I didn't. I took it for granted and now I am out hours and hours of my life. I wrote about 50 note cards. I read 4 chapters. I am devastated but luckily have a nice teacher whom I contacted with my dilemma. The test was today! I have been studying the WRONG book! So she was very kind and said the bookstore has done this before. She wasn't upset with me and offered me an extra week! This means I have to go into the bookstore tomorrow, explain the situation, hope they'll take that book back and I can buy the new book, begin studying four chapters from scratch and get my assignment done all by next Tuesday. This is all on top of all my other classes of course.

*sigh*

I had class today which ended up being interesting due to being locked out. For details on that go to my other blog here Pregnant With Cancer. I just hate writing the same story twice. haha You'll rarely get the same stuff on both of my blogs. However the situation does contribute to how my day has been going. I got into that class late due to no fault of my own. We got a late start period. After that class I had an eye doctor's appointment.

I had my checkup, got my new contacts and love them. They are so far not showing to dry my eyes out so much. Regardless while in the waiting room there was a little old lady who kept oohing and ahhing at Gabbi. She was quite old I could tell and she walked with a cane.

I finished up my appointment and as I was paying the little old lady left. When she got outside she fell. Yes the poor woman hit the pavement and injured herself. She was with her caregiver which may have been a daughter I assume. She called an ambulance. The old lady was crying with her hand over her face. I felt so horrible! I could do nothing to help and the caregiver called an ambulance. I left because I was parked right beside her and needed to make room for the ambulance that I could soon hear in the distance.

I have come to realize this is how my day tends to go. That bridge I showed pictures of with so much traffic a few months back had a fatal crash on it a few hours after I drove over it. I am glad that I avoided that situation. On my way to school today I saw in the middle of town chunks of a deer smeared for about 50 feet on the road. There was no way to avoid the chunks of deer and seriously no nicer way to put this. There was a leg sticking out of the remnants of a thigh but not much else and tons of blood. Ugh. It was a truly disgusting site and no way to avoid it. You had to drive through this disgusting bloody smear. Anyway that was my day. It's only 2:46.

How was your day?

Would you ever want one of these things? It's too creepy to me!

It's been a lazy weekend for me but I have a large paper to write tonight. The inlaws are here visiting so I haven't had a chance to work on it. Luckily I have a knack for pointlessly rambling for 3 to 4 pages while still sounding like I am somewhat intelligent. In other words, I'll do ok. haha

I keep seeing this status setting on Facebook and around other places on the net and I am just saying right here and now officially that I DISAGREE with this statement in such a way that it makes me laugh and or roll my eyes in displeasure when I read it. When someone says something along the lines of "Never regret anything you've done, it's made you who you are today, or don't live life with regrets or any other random way of putting the exact same statement. No regrets? Seriously. How can you change or become who you are now without first regretting mistakes you have made? I have regrets. Do I live each day thinking Oh man I regret that. No I don't....but I have regrets. There are things I wish I had done differently. That is a regret and it is not a bad thing. I think being able to regret our poor decisions is a good thing. It shows we have a conscience. It shows that we are human and capable of change. If you never regretted anything imagine the horrible things you could do! No this statement to me is very naive. You can have regrets but you have to move on and grow and learn from it....but you still have regrets.



As for the daycare? Well I drove up yesterday and saw what you see in this picture. It looks so much worse in person. Someone says their brakes went out and they went up and over the curb and hit the building. It was luckily into an office and not a room for the kids. No one was hurt thank God. I can imagine it was quite an ordeal. I am terrified to think someone was flying through that parking lot so fast not being able to stop. There is no way they could have gotten parked in that direction to fly into the building like that in my opinion. There are cars all the way around without much room to turn......I don't get how the person did this but I am very relieved my Gabbi was NOT there when it happened! I took the pic from inside my van so you're seeing the dashboard then the wall of the daycare, just to clarify for you.

Last night I decided to get online and check the weather for today. I was hoping there would be no rain and luckily there was not. The point though is not the weather. Rather, as soon as I got to the local news website the front page was plastered with stories of a riot at MY college.

It claimed that a party at the on campus housing got out of hand. 200 people supposedly were involved in this riot where shots were fired and a student was hit by a car. There were injuries from the fight but no one was shot. I had to go there this morning. I have to say it was on my mind and I am wondering if they know who fired the shots? So someone has a gun ON campus? I am not sure what to think of it but I do think every time I go to school of all the crazy things that go on out there. It's scary for sure. This was a bit too close to home. I was thinking of it on my way to school and again it talked about it on the radio. It's hard enough to feel safe out there these days. The last thing I need to worry about on top of my studies is whether someone is mad enough to get out a gun.

No, the cartoon really has nothing to do with my post. I just liked it. haha

Read the following article to know what I mean: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/279005.

Now if you have read the article some men are probably grinning from ear to ear. Most women are wondering how accurate a study like this could possibly be and thinking that they should either hide the article from their spouse or just be ready to slap him if he acts on it. haha Now as for me I would probably be just as likely as my husband to notice a well endowed chest if it's just OUT there. I mean it's hard not to right? I will be honest though, if I wear a shirt showing a decent amount of cleavage I get lots of stares. I wouldn't say I am well endowed but I'm not small either. I hope that I can give as much of a health benefit as the lucky large chested ladies. haha

Not too long ago I received a Chocolate Sweet Spot Kit from Eden Fantasys. I have always approved of using a little extra in the bedroom with the partner or alone, whichever you're in the mood for. I found this website awesome for pretty much every toy you could imagine. I looked through all their products and being a chocolate lover came upon this: Chocolate Sweet Spot Kit. I had to have it and the hubby promised to help me try it out.

My fave is the pocket rocket when I'm alone. It does exactly what you want it to do! When I'm with the hubby ironically I like the vibrator. It makes it that much more exciting. Does anyone out there like to add a little something extra to the bedroom? I think that some find it so surprising to talk about but we are all adults here and there is so nothing wrong with wanting to have a little spice added to the bedroom. Or chocolate! It comes with a chocolate flavored motion lotion. It's nice to get that added lubrication but fun too because it tastes like chocolate. Sex and chocolate....seriously what complaints could I possibly have? I didn't get as much use yet from the bullet vibrator. I am not a fan of cords because I find it just makes things more complicated. In a pinch I'll grab something easy, not something I have to mess with. Still the set is nice and totally worth checking out!


Check out the wide range of products they have. :)

Eden Fantasys

I mentioned on my other blog seeing a guy in skinny jeans today. SOME guys can get it away with it and still look manly but I must stress that I believe very few do. I can see a guy and think he looks good but mostly if a guy can even wear skinny jeans I feel his body is too feminine. This is a personal opinion!

I like boot cut or slightly loose jeans on a guy. I am not all into that super tight, gotta stuff a sock in my pants look. This will fade out fast and the guys who are wearing them will be as embarrassed as all us women who are hiding pictures of 10 foot tall bangs from the 1980's. I just don't think skinny jeans on a guy is a good thing because from behind I am not sure if you are a guy or a girl. Today I walked behind someone with a long blond ponytail and skinny jeans. He turned around to reveal his full beard. Definitely a guy and not a super young one at that. I just do not get it. They pants only make him look more goofy and girl like.


What is your take on this fashion? Unless you are the lead singer of Green Day with your black hair swept over your eyes and black polish on your nails I say stay away from it. I prefer a MAN. haha

Oh and I added Bloglovin to my blog. Go sign up and add me. I'll follow you back!

Explore Modeling - Face of e.l.f. Casting: Sandra

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I still need a whole lot of votes. I appreciate everyone's voting for me! You can vote once a day. I think I could do this with a lot of work. haha

Well I was nervous only about one test...my Philosophy test. No it wasn't that hard. I had missed a day of class which is equal to one full day of notes. I thought I'd be ok studying the book. I got a B. You have no idea how much it upsets me that I didn't get an A but there were a few questions that literally did not ring a bell at all. I can't miss any more Philosophy classes! I'll strive for a high A on the next test. My Statistics test turned out to be an A which was a relief. It's not easy and there are tons of things to remember on the graphing calculator. I got an A on my Criminology test too. Now I can rest easy for a little tiny while. I have so much to do it's insane.

I had a decent anniversary yesterday. It wasn't perfect. Why? Well not by any fault of my hubby's. I had math class last night. I had to go to class on my anniversary and I found out my babysitter won't be available this weekend. I did however get a Wii for my anniversary which rocks! My hubby got me the Wii. Honestly I hope I play it enough to make it worth it for him. I got the Wii fit so all you bloggers out there with blogs related to that I might be joining you sometime! Now I just have to figure out how to hook it up.

Look for a review tomorrow. I got a little something something from Eden Fantasys and I have been asked to do a review. It should be interesting.

Literally I never used to do anything new color wise to my hair. The blond works for me. I liked to be safe. The past year has changed me. I have gotten a little braver and I am trying new things. I went even a little crazier this time than last! Now I inevitably always go back to blond but I did get compliments today from random people. I think the people in my Philosophy classes wondered who I was until they saw my face. haha Anyway here it is.....the new do.

I put up the link for the face of e.l.f modeling contest. It worked for a short while then I clicked a link and messed the whole thing up. You may have noticed you could no longer find my pic there. I still do not know for sure WHY that happened. Anyway I decided to just delete the old account and start from scratch so please go there and vote for me! If you already voted please do it again as this is a new account. I could win a vacation. I think it would just be fun to see how many votes I can get too! I'll post updates here regularly to see how many votes I have earned. Posted here is the main pic I am using there. There are a few more on that site so go vote!!! Share the link and most of all thank you thank you thank you!!! You vote once every day!!!


http://www.exploremodeling.com/Contest/Faceof_ELF_2010/11053/Sandra_Bender.aspx

Vote for me. I could win a vacation. It will be fun to see how many votes I could get.

OK If you the link does NOT take you to the right place or you can't see where to vote please bear with me. I clicked a link to have my last name removed from my public profile and my page disappeared!!! It says I am registered but it takes me back out to the main page when I click it. :( I contacted them to hopefully get it fixed.


Explore Modeling - Face of e.l.f. Casting: Sandra

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I am sorry but this is the third time I have heard of his ridiculous antics. I will be the first to say right up front I have enjoyed much of his music so I am NOT biased. I have been particularly fond of some of his newer stuff.

OK. Back to the point. What gives him the right in his egotistical brain to say WHO deserves an award and who does not? What gives him the right to take a time period designated for one thing and turn it into a whirlwind of his opinions and thoughts? I can say for sure his point is lost in his attitude. He is a jerk. I for one could care less about his fame, his money, or any other crap. He is just a man who is a big bully. All of us don't agree with things sometimes Kanye but it doesn't give us the right to act like an ass.

<a href="http://www.mtv.com/ontv/vma/2009/" target="_blank"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Kanye</span> West Storms The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">VMA</span> Stage</a>

Kanye West Storms The VMA Stage

I'm editing to add that Beyonce was so amazingly classy for what she did! You need to check out mtv.com as I do not want to post all the videos here. She gave Taylor her moment and I am impressed. Janet's tribute to Michael put tears in my eyes. Awesome. Michael had class that Kanye will never have. I was shocked by Lady Gaga's performance. It was pretty bloody and supposedly about Princess Diana. I am not sure about it yet. I get what she was doing and I guess as far as artistic goes it's up there but it's pretty creepy too. The song is a tad slow but it might grow on me. What are your thoughts on the VMA's if any? I didn't watch it when it aired by the way. I am strictly watching the videos on MTV.com. I didn't even know it aired. Shows how cool I am.

OK not really but seriously the last two posts are complete opposites of each other. First I am all excited, shopping and happy and then I am reminiscing about less than pleasant aspects of my childhood. I have accepted my childhood. I love my parents and cherish my family. I am in some ways glad for all the trials. It's the trials that make you thankful for the good times. Otherwise I might be some egotistical brat. I think sometimes these things keep us grounded you know?

I think next weekend I'm gonna need a margarita. It's my relaxation drink of choice. I have a Philosophy exam in the morning. I am not really sure what to expect on this test so I am majorly cramming everything into my brain. Not sure how the test will be worded. Tuesday I have a Criminology exam and Wednesday night is a Math test. UGH. Wish me luck.

Yes. I admit it. I'm a shopaholic wannabe. I shop whenever I can. I am in love with it. It makes me happy. Yes this is kind of typical of women but you know there is so much joy in it. It was a nice stress reliever after yesterday. Gabbi is better by the way. I am relieved.

So what did I do today? Well I bought jeans....a few shirts. I got a delicious White Chocolate Mocha. Mmmmmmm. It was the perfect day. I think the guys on the upper level were checking out my cleavage though. Yes boys....I notice you looking. I just make sure they are adjusted right and move on. haha

Anyway I snapped a picture of myself in the dressing room. I am odd like that I guess but it's fun. I sent a special (but not TOO special pic to the hubby.) He liked that at work. haha I am worn out though now. Philosophy is fairly boring at 9 a.m. folks. I could hardly keep my eyes open for class and I am sure the professor noticed it. I did fight it though.

On a side note....I had to buy a size 0 today. No that isn't a typo. I normally wear a 1. I have to say I do not think I am too thin or that I look too thin. I have had a few kids though. Post baby body is way different than pre baby body. I'd love my old body back. My basic reason for such small jeans is my lack of a butt. I could really use one.

Have you ever had one of those weeks? It seemed like each time you turn around that something else is going wrong? Let's not even get into how my hair appliances tried to kill me last week! Yesterday I was sick. I believe I ate something that did not sit well. I missed two classes including my stat class that included a review for our upcoming test. That sucks enough. Today? I picked up my baby girl from daycare and within a half hour she was vomiting hard. She has a milk allergy and so she gets really sick from ANY milk. I can pretty much instantly tell now the difference between a simple stomach bug and the allergy. It drains her.

I filled out forms at the daycare telling them she had the allergy. I stressed it in a separate letter because I felt like they were not taking me seriously. Yes it is milk and surprise it's a common allergy! Anyway I called the daycare and first they flat out lied. I was told she had NO milk and no access to anything with milk...they did not even have anything with milk in it today. Ok.....but I still wasn't sure. Something was not right with how this came on. Then they called me back. A lady in the daycare admitted Gabbi stole another kid's Cheese It's. I have no idea how many she ate. I cried on the phone and told them how sick she was. I told them I was rushing home while she puked all over herself in the backseat. Her face beet red....her body looking pale and weak. I am mad thinking of this!!! I got another call back from the director who informed me the lady who was responsible in both situations has been fired. I agree with it. I think she did not and does not take food allergies seriously enough. A child's life could be on the line.

It was assured to me she'd be put in a high chair and kept away from all foods other than what I specifically send for her.....but it hasn't happened that way. She hasn't even been going a month. It happened once before, which I suppose is important to mention. She got a hold of another kid's cookie and got bad diarrhea for about 12 hours. This time she had more milk because she got VERY sick. She seems happier at the moment.

What would you do? I am a very very over protective mom as it is. Sending her to daycare was very hard on me and took TONS of trust. I am so saddened. It is a reputable place in a well to do neighborhood. Wish me luck tonight. Usually the bowels are affected after the vomiting and it gets bad. I don't need this. I cannot miss school again tomorrow.

Yesterday I felt really really sick. I had went to bed with a bit of a sour stomach. It never went away. It was awful. I knew I had to get up early. I have fought insomnia since 2004 and having an upset stomach on top of it wasn't a great encouragement. I took an Ambien but guess what? It didn't work. Long story short I felt terrible yesterday morning. I missed my classes. I didn't want to but getting sick in Philosophy class is just not an option for me!

I feel better today but my stomach still has this small knot in it. I am going to Criminology today. I actually really enjoy this class. I don't feel like I learn a whole lot in Philosophy. I learn how to argue about anything and everything and not believe anything I am told. I guess that is something!

My teachers really fit their classes too. The Criminology teacher is bald, 40-ish, kind of buff like something straight from CSI. My Philosophy teacher has a long loose, low, ponytail, little wire frame glasses and usually a suit jacket and kakis. Seriously they couldn't have cast better in a movie.

By the way, if you 'd like to have your link included on my blogroll leave it in this post. I will add you. I only ask that you add mine to your blog too.

Now off to get ready for school!

I blog here for fun. I have some regulars and I love it. I have noticed though in the past couple of months on this blog my Alexa rating plummeted hardcore. I went from having a 3 pagerank with Google to NA. I don't understand it. I haven't been dropping as many Entrecards lately because of school but I still feel like I get plenty of visitors each day and commenters. Any tips out there on how to increase Alexa rating? Should I just not care? I read something about an Alexa Toolbar. Not so sure about that though since I really hate toolbars.

I'm going to have to put a stripper pole on my blog and dance just to get some visitors.








KIDDING!

Tune in if you'd like to hear me being interviewed. The interview is for my other blog and my experience being pregnant with cancer. I don't talk about that much here. I have to have a place where that is just not the sole topic of conversation. I am proud of all that I have come through though and being a survivor is a big part of who I am. Tune in here:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the9monthclub/2009/09/08/Pregnant-With-Cancer--One-Womans-Courageous-Journey


3:30 Eastern time. (I am editing this because I realize the show comes from the UK....so I think 8:30 was THEIR time. I believe after it airs it will be up on their site so you can listen whenever you want but don't quote me on this. I will post a link to it if it is.) I am Central Standard time so for those of us you'll be tuning in at 2:30. Forward, tweet, and blog it! I hope I can do this without sounding like a total dork. :)