kZaMSEs8bhox1qeqgumRFj9Lymo Nothing Off Limits: My Birthday

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Birthday

I have been copying posts between my blogs lately and just decided to not do that today. I did it honestly because I didn't have the energy to think up a new post, not to mention my brain has been pretty well fried the past week.....month....months...etc. It goes back to my dad first getting stomach pains. I wish I could have helped him more. I couldn't.

Today is my birthday. Yet it just made me honestly hurt more. I think of how my dad felt the day I was born. I think of how he looked. I wonder how excited he was. He was 23. I was his second child. My big sister Donna is about 2 years older than me. I am leaning on her now, but she can lean on me too. I want to be her support just as much as she is mine.

It's hard. I was not ready to lose him. I had been trying to comfort him and not let him be afraid.

It's even harder that I'm almost a 2 year survivor. I have been so proud of that and so was he....but now it just seems I don't know......less important. I wanted my dad to join me with that title and I kept telling him if it was cancer he would. Oh well. Again, random thoughts, jumbled up in my head throughout the day. I'll work through it all. Somehow.

6 comments:

Southern Sage said...

Dang girl I sure do feel your pain.

If I promise it will get easier will that help? You will slowly forget the negative of the last few months and will redily recall the little things that you shared that were good.
And you will see/hear/feel him around in different things.

You will work it out.

Still sucks bad though.

Hugs hugs

Sandy B said...

Honey, I am so sorry to learn of your father's death. He was far too young to leave this world, but he is now healthy and out of pain.

My paternal g/mother was a Hamilton:-)

Happy belated birthday. Be grateful for your blessings. Time will help heal your heart. I know. Big hugs...

nitebyrd said...

Sandi, I'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing. My heart breaks for you. My father died a very long time ago. While the pain and sense of loss lessen, they never go away. Know that he will always be in your heart, it's the best way to keep him close.

(((HUGS)))

Happy (late) Birthday!

Bill said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your father he sounded like a great man and passed away to soon. Happy Birthday my dear friend i know this next year will be a great one for all of us. Happy New year. :-)

Catherine said...

Dear Sandi,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
And happy belated birthday. I wish you a very blessed New Year.

Melissa said...

Happy Birthday Sandi. I know you are feeling sad, and not very happy, but hopefully it will get better soon.

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