My Very Full Life

I do lead a full life. No doubt about it. I have done so much in the time I have been here on this earth though at times it didn't feel like it. You see, I had huge plans. I graduated in 1994. (No giggling!) I had it all set up. I was going into Radio and Television Broadcasting. Seriously. I was going to be a newscaster, my preference was to do weather reports. Maybe that's why I talk about the weather so much.

Anyway, I wanted to minor in Journalism. In high school we had to take a speech class and we were required to do announcements a couple of times over the school intercom system. I had teachers, including my speech teacher stop and tell me how powerful, fast yet clear my speaking voice was when I did the announcements. I did my speeches and got compliments from my speech teacher too. He said I should go into some form of public speaking. Now I have to say right off the bat I get just as nervous as everyone else. I say "uh uh" sometimes while giving a speech too. But apparently I do something right. Even in my college speech class in 2005 or 2006...I forget...anyway students had to critique and give us points on our speeches. It determined our grades. An older woman in the class said I should be a lawyer after a persuasive speech. ha! Not me. Still it was a great compliment. My teacher in college also told me how I had a loud, clear and firm speaking voice. I never thought of myself that way. My friends in that class got mad because they were scared to death and I didn't appear to be nervous. That shocked me because I WAS nervous. Who isn't?

Well let's just say my plans didn't go in that direction obviously. I started dating my now husband in December of 1993. I was 17, almost 18. Technically our first date was Valentine's Day in 1993. I asked him to the dance, we went. He didn't call for almost 2 weeks. I had gotten a new boyfriend in that time frame. Yes, he finally called and I had figured he wasn't interested so I started officially dating someone else. We fizzled out and my senior year began. December rolled around and I got a call. Jason (the hubby) asked me to a work Christmas party. I remember the day. December 18th 1993. We were inseparable after that.

I moved out of my parents house and into my sister's immediately following graduation in May of 1994. I was kind of always at odds with my dad and I wanted out. Love my dad to death. You know how those relationships can be as a teen. Especially when you want your freedom. Anyway it didn't last long at my sisters. I was at the hubby's apartment most of the time. We moved in together and were married September 23rd 1995. I didn't make it to college at all. I was pregnant by the time I was 20 and had my first baby March 16th, 1997. (four years after graduating high school)

Then on March 16th 2000 I had my second daughter. Yes you read that right. They have the same birthday. I got pregnant again before she was 1. Oh yes. That was scary. It wasn't planned at all. I went with it though and got excited. Nine weeks into it, I miscarried. We did tests, found out it was a boy. I held him in my hand. Small as he was, I held him. Like a grain of rice. I still remember it like it was yesterday. About 2 weeks after that loss my second daughter started having fainting spells. She got upset and she passed out. So I was pretty much super crazy worrying woman at that time. My nerves were shot. We had tests run. Everything you can imagine. Apparently some kids do this when hurt or upset. It can run in families which doesn't help my nerves at all. Seeing her personality now it doesn't surprise me one bit. She is super sensitive about everything. She cried 2 days ago after I convinced her that she could not have a pet squirrel. That's a whole other story.

I got pregnant again. Seriously it was less than 2 months after I lost that baby. I had her January 19th 2002. She came out with red hair. I was shocked but there are lots of red heads on my dad's side so even though I was shocked I figured she got it from my grandma. After she turned 3 I went back to college. My life had been literally on hold so I could be a stay at home mom. I love being a mom but I was always stressing how it isn't all that I am. I am so much more. So I went to college initially thinking I'd go into dental hygiene then realized I really wanted to be a nurse. The public speaking idea just didn't appeal to me anymore. So I worked my butt off. On top of all that I joined a Yoga class 2 days a week and did a fitness class every single day. I need so many hours to get an A and I absolutely wasn't going to accept anything less.

I was in great shape. I felt good. Then long story short, I became short of breath. My neck had tons of pressure in it. I felt tired all the time. I couldn't do some of the yoga moves without choking to death. Then school ended. We moved 2 hours away. Then I found out a couple of months later I was pregnant again. I had no intention of having more kids. It wasn't the greatest news for me. I cried. I didn't feel well. No energy and no breath. I gasped to get through a phone conversation. Walking up 3 or 4 stairs wiped me out. 2 weeks later I found out I had cancer. I had 6 rounds of chemo while pregnant, delivered, started radiation. Had 17 of those and was declared in remission in February of 2008. Now I usually don't bring up the cancer here but you know, being over a year out of this I don't feel like it consumes me anymore. I know it's not all I am but it is absolutely a part of who I am now. Nothing can be simple for me it seems. Nothing but excitement in my life that's for sure. I was just sitting here, thinking of all that it's taken for me to get here. Now I start college again on Monday and it won't end until I have a Bachelor's Degree.

So here's to a whole new beginning.