First let me say I do believe I can talk freely about this and with a little knowledge on the subject. I am an insomniac. I have been now since 2004. I was prescribed Prednisone for an "eye allergy". My eyes were swelling up overnight for some odd reason. (I think it was caused by the tumor strangling the veins in my neck but hey you can read about that on my other blog.)

Anyway, it did reduce the swelling and also gave me insane amounts of energy. I had no desire to sleep. I was never tired. I figured after I was off the meds sleep would come right back to me. After all I had always fallen asleep pretty fast. I would doze off 10 minutes into a movie. Not so anymore. No, I would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I tried over the counter sleeping pills. They were a joke. I tried tea, warm milk, vitamins that had melatonin. I mean EVERYTHING. I bought CD's on eBay that were supposed to help me. I tried anything that promised help in sleeping. I went days with no sleep. I felt as though I were walking around in a dream. I couldn't even take a nap. I never slept. So my doctor prescribed Ambien. That started it all.

Ambien works wonders. I love it. If I take one pill I get a great night's rest. I learned to take it on an empty stomach though, otherwise it will not work at all. Regardless the amnesia part is absolutely correct. This is where my post starts talking about sex....so if you are offended by sex talk do not read any further.

The first time I realized ambien caused amnesia was long before there were any news reports on it. There was nothing out there yet about people shopping on eBay or anything out there like that yet. I woke up one morning and my pants were off. Hubby was lying next to me and he woke up and said "Wow, last night was great." I asked him quite confused "Why are my pants off and what are you talking about?" Yes. I forgot having sex with my husband. I had ZERO memory of it. NADA. NOTHING. I am not kidding. I hadn't any idea we had sex and I could not remember it at all. He was extremely offended as you can imagine. I was at a loss because I didn't realize Ambien could cause me to forget what I did while I was on it. Let's just say it also increases my sex drive by like 100 and makes me wild and crazy. Hubby loves it...so it's a trade. In his mind, should I go ahead and get wild when she won't remember it anyway? haha You can imagine his decision. LOL

I have learned how to recognize when Ambien is making me loopy. I know now when I might forget some things. I know the signs and I try to store my thoughts so I will not forget later and it works. I can make myself remember things by concentrating on them while on Ambien. My hubby may feel insulted that I forgot a night of passion, but seriously I was only jealous that he had such a great time and I had no memory of the amazing time I had!! That sucks folks. Seriously...so I often try to wait on taking the pill but sometimes it's kind of nice. As I said, it's almost like a female Viagra. I have NO doubt at all that it increases my drive. It makes me throw caution to the wind and just be wild which brings me to my next point.

I recently read a Dear Prudie letter by a man who had some issues with sleep and took some Ambien. He accidentally took two somehow. He claims that evening his wife thanked him for mowing the lawn and cleaning up the yard and stuff but wondered why he came home from the grocery store with nothing. He remembered nothing of his entire day supposedly. He had no recollection of any of the events and later some woman called him calling him lover and thanking him for their hot time together. Yes, he claims he cheated on his wife while on Ambien and had ZERO memory. I am going to say right now I could never drive a car, go to someones house, have sex, drive home, mow the yard, clean the yard, and not have ANY memories. There would be SOME memories...some sketchy memories but they would be there. I am not a sleepwalker. I am pretty safe because once I am out I am out. I am not getting back up. I do not recommend Abmien to anyone who sleep walks. BIG mistake. Don't do it. I wonder though...how truthful the guy is being. It's a great excuse isn't it? It's possible that he took it and it made him throw caution to the wind. I absolutely think it affects your judgment but how could you drive a car and not crash? How could you find your destination? I mean, technically you are asleep? This story has made me wonder since I read it. Supposedly his wife doesn't know and he wants NO relationship with this other woman...but it happened. Now he doesn't know if he should tell his wife what he does not remember.

So that's my personal Ambien story along with a very crazy Ambien story. I can nap these days...and there are nights I can go without it. I am diagnosed a Chronic Insomniac. I think perhaps my past cancer could have something to do with causing it all and my internal clock has never quite fixed itself. I am thankful that I have something to help me sleep and also very thankful that I do not sleepwalk. :)

Seriously I cannot take anymore. I am worried about the chance of a pandemic. I am concerned about catching a serious illness but more so that my children will but how much stress and worry can one take? I think though we should be prepared we can't sit and read every single piece of news that comes out about it. I check MSN.com homepage pretty often. It's my source of news for the most part and it almost always has a headline splashed across the page about how horrible this flu is. I absolutely do believe it's an issue and I also feel precautions need to be taken such as no unnecessary travel to Mexico for crying out loud! It's not just your own life you are risking but any of those you come into contact with later. But I just want to read something happy ok? I want to look at some GOOD news and I want to see good things happen. Just for awhile? Is it too much to ask?

Men amuse me. Yes...they amuse me. Why? Well I have noticed something as I get older. I have noticed that men are very quick to judge women and how they change as they get older. Men may complain that their wife's thighs got a little thicker or her butt got a little rounder. Men start acting sad as they stare at the pretty young thing walking down the street. You know what they do not realize? I think they do not see that they themselves have less hair up top then they do sprouting out their ears and on their butts now. I think they don't see the beer gut that's bulging out over their jeans. They look in the mirror and see what the pic here shows. Or that's my casual observation anyway.

I guess I am lucky in some ways. I woke up after I had kids and realized "Hey, this weight is not coming off on it's own." Crap! So I dieted. I exercised. I admit there were times I probably went too far. I tried the lowfat, lowcarb, low EVERYTHING that is good diet. Finally I just realized you watch portion size and how often you snack and allow yourself certain foods. Basically if I eat an ice cream sundae today, I won't again for a week. You can't do that every day and expect your rear to not get a few dimples. Sorry. It will happen. I also went back to college, got involved in Yoga and fitness classes. I haven't really had trouble keeping my weight down in a long time.

Anyway, I drifted away from my point. My point is women are so harshly judged yet many (certainly not all) men think they are just the hottest thing to hit the pavement. They buy the fancy convertible and the toupee flies in the wind. They don't care. They still think they are hot. And they think they deserve more. I just find it so amusing.

I have to state clearly my husband is NOT this way. He has never once in my marriage or relationship thought my body was anything but sexy. He's awesome that way. haha But I do see it. I see it in other women often. I see the sadness when their hubby teases them about getting a little thicker with age. They honestly don't always put it that nicely either. It makes me cringe. Women are already so sensitive about their bodies, who needs someone there to constantly remind you??

I got my acceptance letter in the mail today! I applied to an excellent nursing school this year. Only 90 students are accepted per semester and I got IN! I start in January 2010. I don't want to type it all out again, since I just did it on my other blog. So I'll just link it!!

http://pregnantcancer.blogspot.com/2009/04/guess-what-good-news.html

I have posted him on here a few times. I am HUGE fan. He's coming to Illinois this summer. I am going to find a way to go. I HAVE to go. I love this guy. He makes me smile, laugh and almost wet my pants. OK. Fine. I don't wet my pants. BUT he's hilarious. Jeff Dunham. I love this guy. I love Peanut too. One of my faves is Walter. And of course there is Achmed. If you feel like laughing watching this.

This whole Susan Boyle thing has me pretty steamed. (Yes...I totally just said steamed.) Just the whole idea that people assume a less than attractive person cannot sing is simply idiotic and ignorant. You don't have to be a hot babe to have real talent. I guess I have just never been one to look at a person and say "Oh, they won't be able to sing." Honestly I wouldn't have cared if she came out there and stunk. If she had totally sucked and sung off key I would have still cringed at everyone in the audience making fun of her. How cruel? What are these people? High school kids? It's insane.

Now Miss Boyle got a makeover! Good for her! Wouldn't you if the whole topic of conversation around the world was "Wow I can't believe she can sing because she is so ugly!" Yeah I think I'd want a makeover too. After all, we are ONLY human and words do in fact hurt. Now I am reading that her new look may cost her the competition.....WHAT?? So, now she is not UGLY enough? Seriously. These are not talent shows then. She needs to win based on her talent and we need to take her looks however they are. We need to quit judging a person's singing ability based on appearance. I like looking at a hot person as much as the next! Woman or man by the way. I appreciate a nice looking person. But I don't judge a person's TALENT based on appearance. That has nothing to do with it. So here is Susan Boyle after her makeover. Not too bad I don't think. Still not babe material but certainly an improvement.

The weather I mean! It was not bad temp wise today. The wind however was very strong and more annoying than anything. They called for no rain but guess what? A major storm is making it's way through. Oh well. I love lightening and thunder. I have always enjoyed storms. I love the way they smell on a hot summer day.



So who has seen Susan Boyle perform on Britain's Got Talent? Well she is being posted everywhere. I was pleasantly surprised by her voice. I wasn't surprised because she is unattractive. Rather I was surprised because she had a beautiful voice period. It's not often you have the pleasure of hearing such a sweet voice. She doesn't have a rock star or pop star voice by any means. She's more of a Broadway show type of voice. I am disappointed by the looks the audience gave her. I am saddened that everyone is so cruel to judge a person's musical ability based solely on looks. I mean, seriously. Let's start the list of hot singers out there who are famous only BECAUSE of their looks and not their singing ability. I could name a few...but I won't. Do I think she'll be super famous and cut all kinds of record deals? No. Not really. I think she may have a better future for her now then she would have prior to the show. I think it will involve music. However I do believe her career will probably be more in musicals like Broadway which is awesome. I wouldn't be complaining! We'll see. Only time will tell but I am rooting for her.

We finally got our sunshine. It's shining brightly today. I love it. I am so ready to enjoy a warm summer. I have been reading other blogs and I see that in some places it's sweltering. I had no idea really that it was already so hot in some areas. It just seems here we can't get a series of nice warm days. We have one or two then it gets cold again. I am holding out hope that some warm weather will be here to stay now.

What I need to do is go fishing with my dad again this year. Yes I actually like to fish. I may be a girly girl in some ways but I have no fear of getting outdoors on occasion. Fishing is one of the things I grew up doing and it's kind of in my blood. My dad is a major outdoors man and my grandfather was too. Actually most of the males in my family are. My dad however rarely spends a day of his retirement NOT fishing. Last year I went out with him. It brought back memories. I saw a couple of water moccasins out there swimming along the top of the water. As long as they stay away from me I don't mind. I took my girls out that day too. They love fishing as well. Unfortunately for them after we had caught a whole lot of bluegill and strung them up on the dock we were fishing off of, a turtle swam up and stole them. Yes, somehow he managed to swim away with the whole line of fish. Funny stuff!! I had a good sunburn going on for awhile too. I forgot my sunscreen that day. That was a big mistake.

Enough reminiscing for now. I want to let all my readers here know that I am holding my first giveaway on my other blog Pregnant With Cancer. Entering is really simple. There is the chance to get TWO entries into the contest as well so please stop by! There aren't many entries yet.

While I am posting links please remember to add me on Twitter!! www.twitter.com/sandilynn1975

It has been raining and raining around this area now since I think late Saturday. Before that we had sunshine off and on but it just never stuck around. April teased us with a few snow showers and of course it all melted into a big pile of slush. It seems the ground will never be firm again. It's just going to stay a big huge mud pie in my back yard forever I think.

Ok. I am being dramatic but hey I am so ready for sunshine I cannot stand it. I want to get out the tank tops and flip flops for good. I want to quit digging my winter coat back out. It's wet, rainy and colder out there again today. I am hoping for this 80 degree weather they are predicting for Friday. I won't hold my breath. I am still hoping though!

As for grilling, well we've been doing it a whole lot lately. Rain and all, it doesn't matter. We pull the grill just outside the garage and we've done everything from steaks, brats to hotdogs, hamburgers and potatoes. I just love cooking on the grill. It's such a sign of summer and quite frankly it's my way of saying to the rain I could care less! I will grill anyway. haha There is nothing quite like a delicious meal cooked on the grill. It's a symbol of summer time to me. I long for it over the winter. It also brings family and friends together too. I need to find some new and interesting ideas for the grill. I love getting a little crazy.

I have been pretty much light blond for oh...a long time. haha I was born blond, it got darker as I got older. So I lightened it. I decided to be daring and try something new. It's taking some getting used to, though there is still lots of blond I had some different colored streaks put into it.

I just decided to not sit around the house today. It hit 70 degrees. WAY too nice to sit here on the computer so I got out. I got my hair done. I had a good time. Here is the new hair!

Yes, I love margaritas. I am no lush by any means but I do occasionally sit here and think about how tasty one sounds. It's only 9:56 a.m. so I guess today that is kinda bad. haha Actually I am thinking of the 25th when my sister's boss is celebrating her birthday out on the town. She's invited me and my hubby to go along. So I am pretty excited about getting out and having a good time. It seems all the invitations always come in at once though. We were invited to another get together that night but personally I like this one better. There will be women who are my friends at this one. The other one will be mostly guys and maybe some spouses or girlfriends I don't know well. The choice is obvious for me. We'll be cranking out a little karaoke on the town but won't stay in one place for too long. I am dreaming of the margaritas I'll have that night. We're going to a restaurant that I know has really good ones. So I am kind of anxious especially after the weekend I had. The sickness seems to have passed though and I've gotten a couple of decent night's sleep. I am on my way back to sanity....for a little while anyway.

If you read my blog, you know I enjoy singing. So does my sister. So we have fun when we go out to do karaoke! She has a band now and her hubby does drums, guitar, and some singing too in another band, and theirs together. Here is a bit of her and the hubby singing a couple of Christmas's ago. They are just singing some tunes after dinner I think. haha

I try to keep this blog about just me. I try not to gab on and on about married life and kids. I am proud of the fact that I am a mom and I am proud that I have been married for 13 years. I am proud of being a cancer survivor. I am proud of all that I have gone through and everything that has made me who I am. But this blog is to be separate from all of that. I want to just be ME. Sometimes you need a place to just be you and not all the things that you are labeled as. I am not just a mom. I am not just a wife. I am not labeled by the cancer I had. It has changed me. I have grown and learned a lot by the things that have happened in my life. Good or bad, it has all affected who I have become.

Still I need a place where I am nothing more and nothing less than Sandi. Yes, that is right. I just referred to myself in the third person. haha This weekend though it was all about being a mom. Easter started off good. I cooked and baked. I had everything tip top. Then my 9 year old went into her room and puked all over the floor. *sigh* So I got out the rug cleaner and cleaned. I scrubbed. I washed up. I cooked more. Then the baby REFUSED loudly to take a nap. Screaming, crying, fussing, yelling. So I just decided no big deal. I won't make her nap. Big mistake because she decided sleeping at night was also a bad thing and chose to cry and fuss until I allowed her to lie in my bed for awhile at about 2:00 a.m. She loved that and smiled and giggled immediately. She dried her eyes because her tantrum got her what she wanted. I spoil her. I know it. I have spoiled her I should say. She is 17 months and a miracle baby. Read my other blog if you want to know why! (Pregnant With Cancer) Anyway she has figured me out. So this afternoon she doesn't want to nap either. I put her down and have spent the afternoon shushing the older kids who are on vacation for one more day. YEAH for school tomorrow! I want the baby to sleep and the other kids make it hard because they fight, yell, giggle etc...while I am trying to put the baby down for a nap. I shush them. I beg. I freak out. Still my shushing inevitably wakes up the baby. So there is NO getting away from it today. No. Right now I am all mom.

p.s. Where is the Calgon when you need it?

I admit this year I don't really have any plans at all for Easter. I always attended church as a child. I am a Christian though I don't really attend church all that often these days. I feel like I should sometimes because regardless of what you believe it is a good family thing to do. My grandfather was a Baptist minister. Yes that's right...and now my uncle is pastor of that church. I stopped going years ago for many reasons. One being my husband was on the road traveling. I felt like all I did was sit in those pews babysitting my kids, trying to keep them behaved and quiet. Or I ended up in the nursery doing the same thing. It was boring and a pain. I felt like I could watch my kids at home...and at least there they could be loud. I got tired of it and slowly fell out. Regardless I do acknowledge Easter and all that it stands for. I also respect what all my readers believe. I have grown and I think that religion can be good but it can also be bad in the wrong hands. I think we have all learned that in the past few years. Intolerance breeds hate and that's never good. Or at least that's what my own life experience has taught me.

I like this one. I hadn't seen it before but I cracked up. Thanks to Rebel & Suzy Speak for this one.

Here are the rules.

The rules of the zombie chicken say...

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…"

Well that sounds terrifying so I am going to pick 5 blogs that I read regularly!

1. Comedy Plus
2. Hot Dads
3. Rants, Thoughts and Other Things
4. Baby Boogers
5.One Blog and 2 Sides

As I stated on my other blog, I am going through pics today. I love finding old pictures. I also happen to love my dog Sasha. She's a Siberian Husky. We had saved a little kitty from abandonment in 2007 and took care of him for awhile. My sister ended up taking him in. He was a cute kitty though. Sasha loved playing with him. This was the normal scene. The picture was just too cute not too share.

We had more snow this past weekend. It seems like some cruel joke when we have snow in April. Such is the weather in Illinois though. It's pretty much expected to have a few flakes in April. At least it is for me anyway. We had a pretty good coating this weekend. Last weekend we had a whole lot of it. I saw no less than 5 cars in the ditch on my way to the theater. I realized it was probably a mistake to be going but it was too late to turn around. By the time I headed home it was already melting. I am very ready for summer weather. I think perhaps I am just old enough that I don't care if I see snow anymore. I have pretty much been there, done that, got the t-shirt. haha I have seen enough enough winters to last a lifetime. I think I need to move to Florida.

I did manage to go see my favorite local band last night. Short Lived Fun was awesome as always. I got to spend some time with my sister and some girl friends. We all had a really wonderful time. Here are some pics of my fun time last night!

Well since the beginning of Entrecards changes I have been ok with it really. Paid ads really didn't bother me and it didn't affect my blog. Or so I thought. See, I am seeing a change that I am not too happy with at all. My guess is that many others won't be happy either. I did approve a couple of paid ads not thinking much of it. Then I noticed that the same exact ad is on almost ALL of the blogs I am dropping on today. I like seeing variety. I like seeing all kinds of diverse ads throughout Entrecard. This is how I have found a lot of blogs that I read today. Now I see the same old blog advertised on 100's of pages. I am not happy with that. I really don't think it's right that a paid ad gets pushed in front of other Entrecard advertisers. We pay EC which is hard earned! We click and earn those EC and when I pay for an ad I expect it to run the full amount of time. Is it now running for less time? Is it pushed out of the way for a paid ad? I do not understand why the ads can't still run for the same amount of time and come in order. First come, first serve. This really doesn't seem right to me. Now on my other blog I have four paid ads waiting for approval. This means that they will then go in front of anyone else who spent over 1500 ec to advertise on that blog. That's no chump change and I don't think that's right. Maybe I am misunderstanding things. I certainly am no expert and I have only been half paying attention to all the changes. Still I think paid advertisers are getting preferential treatment and I gotta say....I don't like it. I won't be paying for my adverts. See, I would almost feel guilty to be pushing others out of the way so my blog can get all the publicity. I keep seeing the same blog and it's just irritating me. I have no desire to click it at all. So there ya go. My complaint for the day. For those who don't use Entrecard? I apologize for confusing you!! :)

I am glad it's Friday again. Spring break starts around here this week. I'll be able to take it easy for awhile. I am glad for this but also slightly nervous as the kids will be home 24/7. This could be a combination of good and bad.


My brother in law's band is playing tomorrow tonight. I'd love to go catch the show but I doubt it will happen this time around. I've bragged on them before, and I'll do it again. They rock. Check them out on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/shortlivedfun. It's always a good time at one of their shows.

I'd like to say I have exciting plans this weekend but as of yet I am pretty much staying home. I need to cut back as we all do so I doubt I'll make it out. I do however have a 5th grade basketball game to attend tonight. I'm actually pretty excited about that!

I could always just have friends over here this weekend. You don't even need a bar with the setup I have. Check out one of my songs I have on youtube. This is my basement. haha Enjoy and have a great weekend!!!

I was going through all the junk e-mail I get. According to this e-mail I not only need to "lose weight fast" with this Acai Berry or whatever it's called, I also need Viagra and a penile enlargement, my e-mail has won some national lottery so I am rich now. Yes...isn't it wonderful? Let's see here...Oh....yes wow....$75 to complete a survey. That has to be one really long survey! Ha! Apparently according to my junk e-mail I need a date desperately as well. I should join all these dating sites or answer one of these e-mails from some chick who thinks I'm cute and thinks we've chatted before. If I get another e-mail from this Reunion site stating someone searched for me I might start thinking I'm special.

I need a vacation seriously. I don't mean a sweet vacation away with the family. I'm needing one all by myself. I need to just breathe easy for a bit. I have had a lot of stress in my life in the past couple of years. A human being really can only withstand so much. I mean on the outside, for the most part things look fine. They always do...and most likely always will. Inside however I just want to run screaming down the street. So I am imagining a deserted beach, warm sun, crashing waves....mmmmmmmm. Yes. I can see it now. This is why I loved Yoga class. We had to basically imagine something like that at the end of every class. It was my favorite part of class and it helped alleviate a lot of the stress I had. I am intentionally trying to take a few deep breaths whenever I start to let something worry me, or stress me out. I try to not let it take hold of me because once I start to let it, it only gets worse.

Those who know me know what most of my stress is. Sickness, children, job. There is more that I don't even discuss. So I need some tips for dealing with stress. I think I want to join a gym. When I was in my fitness class in 2005 and Yoga I felt so much better. I do believe exercise,though not a cure for stress, does absolutely help to release it in a better way.