I have always loved being from a large family. Not everyone in the family has always been the nicest of people, but the good ones more than make up for the less than kind ones. You're going to have a wide variety of people in a family so large. We are a family of so much diversity too.
Some of them are the most devout, holy Baptists you'll ever meet. Which by the way, I think is great. There are some that are kind of in the middle....and then there are those that hate religion with a passion. They have learned to hate it, I guess after years of being in the family and possibly just not getting it. I am not sure. I think it's healthy to ask questions but I don't so much get being angry about it. To each his own though.
One thing that has always meant a lot to me though, are my sisters. More than any time in my life I need them now. They are the ones who "get" me losing my dad and how hard it is. We all had our own relationship with my dad. I feared my dad in a respectful way. I didn't argue with him. He was dad. I took what he said to heart, not always agreeing with it, but I would surely tell him I did! My sister Cindi however, who is a couple of years younger than me, was just like him. If she disagreed with him she told him. I think he actually liked that in her. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, but she didn't back down and they had a good relationship because of it. I think my older sister Donna was more like me I think....but not totally. My baby sister Vanessa....well she was the baby. Spoiled rotten! haha She is now 22 and will always be my dad's baby. She got her way as the youngest often does. That was her relationship with dad. I love the way we all had our own thing with him.
I have another sister, Aimee, who doesn't have the same dad. She did love him however in her own way and was very saddened by his passing. She came to the visitation. I was glad to have her there for me and my big sister Donna, who is also Aimee's sister.
Now we have each other. I know we are all grieving in our own way but I find myself needing my sister's more than ever. It's the only way I really feel my dad close to me. I like talking about him. I like telling stories. I like laughing and crying with them.
I am not close to my birth mom. There are reasons why, but I am just not. I really wish I could be. It's just not in the cards for us. So with the loss of my dad in some ways I felt orphaned. I have my step mom, don't get me wrong. I love her. She has always been my mother to me. There is that slight feeling though, that if she remarries, is she still my step mom? My dad MADE us the family we were....and now...I am left confused.
Well, to those who read my blog I am sorry for the HUGE amount of sadness and depression I have been pouring out...and there is more likely to come. I will work through this however. I know that I will. I am resilient I think. However for the time being, I need to grieve. However long that takes is just fine with me.
18 hours ago