Can I get my blogger readers to click this link: http://polldaddy.com/poll/3694021/ and just vote for Tyler Frisby? He's a local kid. He deserves to win and it's like seriously neck and neck here!! Vote and share the link. I don't normally post these things but you know it would be really cool if I could get him a few votes. No signing up, no working through pages to find it. It's right there. Click the little dot and submit. Pretty easy. :D

Let me know if you voted!!

Oh and it's for Athlete of the Week! Football related ;)

 I love both but no, not at the same time. I love homemade cooking. I really do, but I don't know. There is something about sitting down at a nice restaurant, enjoying some friendly conversation, sipping a coffee or a margarita, maybe even a glass of wine if the occasion calls for it. I love being waited on. I love going to a place where I am pretty much guaranteed it will be a good experience. I love it. It's like the high light of my day when I can go out and enjoy a nice meal with friends or family.

I am pretty sick of fast food. I used to like it in  my younger days but man it's the same old thing for like....um.....well....many years!! lol The burgers are the same, no matter what else they put on top of them. The fries are still the same old fries. I like a finer dining experience. It doesn't have to be 5 stars but I like nice. By that I mean I enjoy any place I can sit down, be served and treated well by the staff. I have had experiences where they weren't as attentive. It always boggles my mind that a waiter or waitress would expect a certain percentage of tip when they aren't providing excellent service. I think there is a certain percentage that should be paid. For excellent service it goes up. For bad service it DOES in fact go down. If you don't do a damn thing for me why in the world would I tip you for that? Yet some do expect it.

Anyway, on to the reading thing. I am a reader. I love it. I don't get to do it as often as I like. I did enjoy several books over the summer which was GREAT. However now I am reading a book called "The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy. This is a book I am required to read for my Ethics class. I have to say it's started off pretty depressing. Especially since the whole thing is about death and dying. Oh well. I am working on it. I can't say it's a bad book. I haven't read but 20 pages at this point. I am finding it really hard to not get distracted though. That can't be a great sign.

Join Chilli's mailing list. It does have a place to put in credit card info for more deals or something. Just skip that part and click print coupon. It's not necessary for the coupon so I don't know why they did that. Regardless here's the link:



http://chilisemailclub.com/?imm_cid=9O-9C

Enjoy :)

I start school on Monday. That's right. It's back to the Nursing School grind. I will be busy again. I hope this year isn't as bad as last year, but I have a feeling it will be. I am preparing myself mentally for the lack of sleep that is sure to come. I even got an assignment already! My teacher sent an assignment that is due the first day of class. I guess I'm not meant to enjoy my last few days of summer vacation. *sigh*

I decided that I'm going out this weekend. I deserve a last moment of freedom I think. I want to eat somewhere nice and then maybe sing to my heart's content somewhere. I entered an Idol type of contest by the way. I am not sure if I'll be in it yet because it only takes the first 20 applicants. This is a local thing. I'll find out if I am in it about 5 days before it starts which is the 27th. Crazy!! I'll keep you updated. ;)

It seems to be kicking in tonight and I need it. The stress of school starting is getting to me. I'm not talking about just me either. My kids are also a consideration in this. I have a lot on my mind. I lay down in bed and feel this lump of anxiety in my chest. I am one of those women who after lying in bed starts thinking of the MILLIONS of things she has to do instead of the most important one. SLEEP. I'm kind of still doing it. I am a diagnosed Chronic Insomniac. I used to fall asleep during the opening credits of a movie. I used to lie down, tired at night and conk right out. Those days ended sometime in 2004. I had a sort of odd rash on my eyelids. Turns out it was like eczema. Sexy right? OK so not so much. The point is the doc prescribed Prednisone. It got rid of the rash. Of course it also made it so I NEVER slept. I could run marathons at 3 a.m. on this stuff.

When I stopped taking it the rash came back. I started using a prescription cream that cleared it up. Turns out that insomnia and odd rashes/itching are both symptoms of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Rather typical ones as well.Were they signs? I happen to think so. The insomnia never really went away. The ambien will help but it's never guaranteed to work. I have learned tricks to make sure it does. One of those is a very empty tummy. If I have carbs in my tummy from cookies, breads, pastas, just forget about it. I won't sleep. Another tactic is to get the tummy nice and empty. 4 hours or so since eating then turn on the food network channel. Start droooooooling. Then take the ambien. Always works better.

Trust me. 6 years on this medicine. Other than birth control it is the only thing I take now. No more rashes.....nothing. After the cancer the insomnia is all that stayed. I'd like IT to make it's exit anytime soon by the way.

This past year has been a rough one. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer in December, just 2 days after Christmas and just 2 days before my birthday. Between that and then going to nursing school it was just overwhelming. I had to go to school and study the very things that killed my dad. Some days in class were almost unbearable. One of those days was the day we went over grief and mourning. It was still so fresh to me.

The point of this is my birth mom, whom I was never raised with, is not well. The confusing thing? Well it's a long story. Start from the beginning? My mom left me when I was just 13 months old. Well she left my dad, my older sister and myself. She came back around when I was 5. She had left and gotten a job as a stripper. Yeah I know. Anyway my dad was the Sunday school teacher. We lived a life around the church. We went 3 days a week you know. My dad was strict. He was very very firm. My mom was carefree about nothing but having a good time. She came back around and to me my step-mom was my mother. I have been told I cried and didn't believe her. My older sister Donna remembers living with my mom and says she remembers me crying and crying for food at night when my mother would leave us alone while my dad worked 3rd shift. I'm glad I do not have these memories. She remembers feeding me popcorn from the trashcan because of my crying.

Ok. Moving forward our mother comes back into our lives and gets visitation rights. She gets us like every other weekend. She doesn't show up much of the time. I loved being with her though. She was like a friend. We never got in trouble. Compared to my dad's strictness, she was like a weekend of fun. I guess as a kid that is the way you'd see it. When she didn't show our hearts were broken.

Fast forward again to being an adult. I saw my mom on occasion. She'd come visit now and again but she did the same thing. She's make promises to come. You'd get all ready for her then nothing. She just wouldn't show up. So I stopped telling my kids grandma was coming. I didn't want her breaking their hearts too.

More fast forwarding. I got sick in 2007. I was pregnant and I had cancer. I was told at 10 weeks pregnant I had to start chemo now because I wouldn't last 3 weeks to the second trimester at which time it was considered "safer" to do. I couldn't breathe. I was coughing up blood. I spent time in the hospital etc. My mother borrowed money from my grandpa to come see me. My aunt let me in on the surprise but unfortunately my mother didn't know that. She thought I was unaware and kept that money for herself and never showed up. After that I was done. She tried to connect with me but I wanted no more of it. I just didn't have the care anymore if you know what I mean.

Eventually I talked to her a few times off and on. I never went to see her. She would call on the rare occasion. She stopped by unexpectedly a couple of times. In the past few years she got herself hooked on pain meds. She became hard to understand and began doing odd things. She would go through my friends list on myspace and add my friends. It was embarrassing and weird. She wrote me notes and made little sense. It has saddened me more and more. My grandmother has Alzheimer's so I don't know if I can blame any of this on possible Alzheimer's or it's all the meds. I don't know. We finally had no choice but to admit her to a nursing home for full time care. She had fall a few times and hurt herself. She is out of control as well. She needs constant care anymore.


Well the nursing home called tonight. For a few seconds my heart sunk and I feared the worst. I thought she was gone too. I realized then that I still cared. I can't help it. I was so scared and I don't know why. She's hurt me numerous times yet I can't be like her and just not care. I'm going to take my sister and we're going to go see her this week. This whole thing leaves me confused because I still care.....and yet this other part of me asks why? I don't know the answer to it. I just realized I have to be who I am. I am a person who DOES care. My relationship with her could have been more, had she tried. I mourn for whatever that may have been. I mourn the loss of my father. I am thankful for my sisters. I am thankful for my step-mom.

As for my mother? She fell and hit her head. I was pretty scared before they said she was ok. I realized then it's not so easy. I obviously still love her and I don't want this on my heart, whenever she does leave this earth. It's all so confusing.

To the truck driver who sped up and BLEW through the red light today. Up yours. That's right. Some moron was coming up to the intersection really fast. We had a green light for several seconds but noticed he was flying. I would say he was going about 55 to 60 in a 45. The hubby slowed and said "hmmm...I don't think this guy is gonna..." Then sure enough that truck gunned it and blew through a stop light. I mean that light had been red for awhile. It's not like he was trying to beat a yellow light. I'd also like to say thanks to the hubby for having the sense to see it because I wasn't even paying attention. I am glad that we aren't road kill right now!

He would have slammed into us on the driver's side. Me, my husband and three of my girls were in the van. How would he like to be responsible for that mess? Yeah. Well I hope he didn't blow through that one and then end up hurting someone else. I just hate idiot drivers.

School starts on August 17th. I am not ready. Well ok fine I can do it. I am fully "capable" of being ready. It's just this vacation has been SOOOOOOO nice. I love having time off. I love sleeping in. I love going out and not worrying about the homework I need to do.

It's back to the grind. I have two clinical days this semester and they are FULL days. I have Peds and Pscyh the first 8 weeks. After that it's OB and Pscyh. Kinda excited...kinda nervous. I am ready for graduation NEXT December. It's all worth it in the end. I know it is. In the mean time there is a lot of hard work to do.

So I think this means I absolutely am required to go out and party this weekend. What do you think?